New Year, New(ish) Me!

I call this picture, "Where I would sit and contemplate while drinking coffee, if I lived in West Milford, New Jersey and had child care for the afternoon."

According to my dashboard, I published exactly one post in 2016.  I don't have any plausible excuses (busy, interest in maintaining a blog waxes and wanes like the moon's gravitational pull), but the past year did open my eyes to how incredibly fast life passes. I blinked, and now have a busy,  healthy, strong-willed toddler. I do see the value in recording my thoughts and experiences, if only for me. It's as though life has suddenly been put in hyperdrive and I want to hang on to every moment.

These are the phrases I will associate with 2016: pain and suffering, 30s-life crisis. Breaking it down:

Pain and Suffering:  The world is a pretty strange place, full of people and events which make you wonder if humans have evolved at all. Beyond the mostly horrible, tragic news, a lot of people I care about had experiences ranging from difficult to unfathomable. Being fired from jobs. Cancer, which can go fuck itself a million times. Suicide. Knowing and seeing all this happen, and helpless to do anything other than pray. Feeling hopeless.

30s-life Crisis:  For the past three years, I'd been in a pregnancy/infant/baby haze, only to emerge in 2016 and realize that I'm 35. Thirty-five! But I just turned 22! There have been so many moments like this, living in a headspace where my mind is constantly swimming. (Drowing?) Wondering who I am now. Wondering if I'm qualified to raise a little person. Comparing myself, my house, my running splits with childless twentysomethings on instragram. Looking at my face in the mirror and seeing lines and gray hair that don't equate to the perception I have of myself. I still feel so young and like I have a lot of growing up to do. Will I ever feel like an "adult?" Do I want to feel like one, and what does it mean if I generally don't want to ever feel like one?

Despite the general blah of 2016, it hasn't been a totally horrible time. Some of the good:

New job.

My clean desk and incorrect name plate at the beginning of the school year.

After spending several years working in the world of early childhood and elementary, I've transitioned to middle and high school. It's been baptism by fire (how did I survive the month of September?) but I love it. Some people are meant to work with the littles. I am not one of those people. I do miss the students and my friends at St. Aug; it was a blessing to work in early childhood while my own was so tiny because I learned so much. But when the opportunity to move on came, I knew it was time. Talking to high school students about college--even  middle school girl drama--feels more natural.

Dawn, my ride-or-die for the past 2 years. I miss her like whoa.

But now I can write detentions for kids who won't do yoga, so yay!

Charitable giving. I gave to charities, causes, crowd-funding campaigns, homeless people, anything that spoke to my heart. When I realized how many causes and organizations I gave to last year, I felt a wave of happiness. Maybe I am an adult?

Little travels. It was all about familiar places: Bentonville. Chattanooga. Wayne. Brooklyn. It was good and grounding to be around family. I wish we lived closer.

Felix and Millie on the farm, Alstead NJ.

Millie dancing with Gocki, also on Farm.

We paid $32 for this picture, Chattanooga. 

The Amazeum in Bentonville!

At Maison Premiere in New York, Ronni giving her best alluring gaze

Basically what I live for, New York.

I call this photograph, "Sisters hangry walking to get pizza at sunset," Brooklyn

Still running. I ran three 5Ks and a half marathon in 2016. No personal records, but several moments of success when I thought it was impossible. That's why I love running: it's taught me that I can do hard things. I love the community among runners, especially women.

I call this photo, "A running team that does more eating and drinking together than actual running."

My little person.

She is a powerhouse. How can such a small thing simultaneously drain my energy and give me strength at the same time? She is magic. (That is, when she isn't throwing exorcist-style tantrums, demanding I play with legos, demanding chocolate, or hitting me.) I have so much to write about her.

On our way to Frozen Superfan Convention. It was at Whole Foods. But really, she drank the Frozen kool-aid. There is no escaping.

She actually sits still to get her toes painted, one of only 2 instances she's actually ever still. The other one is watching YouTube videos of talking crayons on her Lala's phone.

This is her squad.

Some of my hopes for the new year:

Less comparing myself to others
More travel, maybe somewhere new
One unassisted pull-up (on a pull-up bar, not a reference to potty training, but on that note)
Non-traumatic potty training for all parties involved
Take pictures with a real camera and not a phone
Continue giving to different charities and causes
A nose piercing (kind of kidding, but also not kidding)
Nurture all relationships in my life
Do a better job of planning meals

We're married! 

This is a picture from way earlier in the year, but she lives for her Lala and Gocki.

Heres to a turnt up 2017! And maybe add stop talking like a teenager to my list of resolutions?

There you have it: a list of pretty standard resolutions. I'll end this post with my favorite vague and frustrating phrase: We'll see!