I guess I'm not a feminist.

Until my early twenties, I assumed there was a law requiring a wife to take her husband's surname after getting married. Like it was incorporated into the marriage certificate. When I learned the process is traditional, it was decided then and there: I'm keeping my name. I like my last name. It sounds good with my first name. It's who I am. It's on everything I've ever earned. And I'm a 21st century feminist, dammit! (Keep in mind, this was years before Zach was in the picture, and I was going through a Miranda Hobbs-inspired man-hating phase. True story.)

Fast-forward several years later. My views had since mellowed considerably, but I was still indifferent towards changing my last name. (I'm also lazy as hell and planned to wait until my license expired to avoid the replacement fee. Lazy.) I brought up the subject once with Zach about a year after we began dating. He seemed a little surprised that I would prefer to keep my surname, but we dropped it. Until last week. That's right. We've been married for about 8 months. I have not changed my name. Zach hasn't mentioned it.

Since the wedding, plenty of people have asked me about my new last name and when I planned on making it official. "Oh, I'll get around to it," and "I've been busy, it'll happen eventually," have been my stock answers. Never mind the 2 months during the summer when I wasn't working and could stand in line at the social security office. I just chose to do other things, like travel, clean the house, and generally chill out. My viewpoint: If I don't have to do it, then why do it?

Actually, I know why women do it. It signifies a new chapter together as a married couple. It creates a sense of being husband and wife. One. I signed our Christmas cards (the ones we haven't mailed out) ' Zach and Rosie Barker.' I understand and respect the tradition. But I don't believe changing one's last name is integral to whether or not a marriage is successful.

Disclaimer: I am definitely not looking down on women who've changed their last names post-wedding, because 1) that would be 99.99% of all women, including my mom, sister, everybody, and 2) it's not my place to judge another woman's decision about something personal. I truly have no opinion on what married women choose to do.

However, other people have opinions. They are not afraid to share them. Over the past few months, I've heard variations of the following statements. True story:

"Your husband is disappointed you haven't changed your name. He's just not telling you."

"Your children are going to be so confused." (My favorite. Really? They'll be okay.)

"It's the Christian thing to do."

"People won't think you're really married if you have different names."

"You're offending your husband."

Ironically, the people who've said these things have only met Zach in passing, or not ever.  I usually take those conversations with a grain of salt. People who know Zach realize he has no problem calling me out. He does not shy from big discussions.

For some reason, "You're offending your husband," really lit a fire in me. I wanted to prove them wrong. I wanted to prove that a couple can be legally married, happy, loving, functional, respectful, raise normal kids, and have different last names. I work with a lot of uber-traditional, Southern people, and sometimes it's really obvious how non-traditional I can be (and I'm not counter-culture, or anti-establishment at all). Normally I don't care what other people think. But I care about what my husband thinks. Last week, while we were on the couch watching a Grizzlies game, I asked him out of the blue. "Are you offended that I haven't changed my last name?"

His answer: No. We talked about why I brought up the issue, and what others have said to me. He asked why I haven't changed it yet. I babbled about 3rd-wave feminism, why I think women should have a choice and not be judged by society, and about my laziness. How I've always known our future children (to not confuse them, naturally) would take his surname. He nodded, said he understood. Then he said, "Eventually I would like us to have the same last name."

And there you have it. I'm changing my name. My desire to prove others wrong is not as important as making my husband happy. Marriage is about that, right? We do things to make each other happy, big things and little ones which the other doesn't even see. He's the only one whose opinion matters to me in this issue.

Changing my name doesn't bother me; it's that it took the dissenting opinions of others to prompt this whole discourse between me and Zach. Also, can't a girl just be lazy? Jeez. I just hope one day if we have a daughter, she will be able to explore her options, come to her own conclusions, and not be privy to others' value judgments. The end.

A smattering

Life lately, including Thanksgiving. Why is time flying by so quickly? I am grateful for so many things, including the following:

1)  My husband's genuine enthusiasm for anything Filipino.

He's more Filipino than I am. He doesn't know I put this picture on the internet.

2) Friends.

I feel like I should be a better friend and much more available to everyone. I miss having that everyday camaraderie with girlfriends. I do have friends at work, but it's just different. Sometimes picking a time and/or place to meet with friends is more complicated than planning a G8 summit. But it's so worth it to hang out, laugh, vent, and get just a tad tipsy. Hooray for coupons and Mexican restaurants!

I'm thankful for friends from out of town who come and visit. Especially when we go to Nashville and Grizzlies games!

3) The donut shop near my house opened.

I'd been hard core stalking the place ever since I saw the sign go up in the fall. So glad they are finally open. It's the little things that can give much, much joy.

4) Siblings.

At the donut shop, of course.

Zach's brother Wes stayed with us over the holiday. It was so funny to watch them interact and listen to their weird brother jokes.

Time to play with phones!

It reminded me of me and my sisters. Speaking of sisters...

5) Justin Timberlake

Famous people OMG!

Disclosure: My sister Ronni and I share a guilty-pleasure fascination with celebrities. We are probably the type of people who are bad for society. We accept that we're total goobs for knowing the names of all celebrity babies born within the past two years. And also for knowing the subjects of Taylor Swift's songs. (I am eagerly anticipating the song about the Kennedy grandson. And now she is dating a One Direction guy! Get it, girl.)

There was a basketball game too.

Anyway, Ronni understands my excitement over the Justin Timberlake sighting. A Timberlake sighting in Memphis is rare and magical, like a unicorn. Who cares that I shared it with 17,000 people at a Griz game? It happened, and it was exciting. I also get excited when I see the mayor or newspeople at Starbucks, if that gives any indication about what a goob I am.

6) The fam.

Watching 'Inkmasters' and taking pictures of cats. That is my family.

I love my crazy family, and I am so thankful to have them. So, so thankful!