To all the names I've loved before

I really admire people who wait until their baby arrives to find out the sex. It definitely takes willpower and patience...which I don't have. It's been kind of cool not knowing the baby's sex, though I'll definitely be ready to find out in a few weeks. But right now, this little person isn't "she" or "he". This mini muffin is just my baby, and that's so cool.

None of this has stopped us from thinking of names. Like any woman with a biological clock, I've thought about names over the years. Except now it's time to settle on one..which this baby will carry into childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. No pressure.

Zach and I have some parameters when it comes to names:

1) Does not result in a disturbing nickname or my kid getting teased mercilessly.

This is important. Children will turn any first or last name into something else, for better or worse. While this isn't necessarily the biggest dealbreaker, we'd like to minimize those opportunities. For example, I liked the name Graham for a boy. Graham cracker. Could my kid deal with being called 'Cracker'? This little person will be half Caucasian, so better to err on the side of caution..

2) Sounds good as an adult name.

There are names which sound good for little girls or boys, but not so much when imagining my little cream puff as an adult. Will the name look good on a college diploma? With the initials M.D. behind it? On the plaque of a judge's chambers?

3) Moderately easy to spell.

When I was in first grade, my teacher (Mrs. Weinberg, I haven't forgotten) called me out in front of the entire class for misspelling my name on a test. My name is 8 letters. Oh yeah, I was also six years old. Anyway, whatever. Just trying to save my kid from thinking about something that happened 27 years ago.

4) Cannot have any negative connotations.

Some names remind me of people, songs, or characters I don't like. Even if I like the name itself, this is a dealbreaker.

With all of this being said, there are some names which just didn't make the cut. Most of them are pop-culture-ish, which proves how incredibly dorky we are and how we'd name a boy Han Solo if it was a guarantee he wouldn't get beat up every day. This is an ode to the names which will go into the ether, perhaps never to be used in our family (unless maybe as a goldfish).

1) Girl Name: Kate

It's a classic. Feminine but not overly so. Easy to spell. One syllable! And yes, I'm all about some Kate Middleton. Zach is not keen on this (he just doesn't want to admit to people his wife won naming rights, and named a baby after a royal. He hasn't said so, but I know it).

Boo.

Basically if it were up to me and we were having a girl, you can bet she'd be called Kate.

2) Boy Name: Jens (pronounced Yens)

When we first started dating, Zach made me a mixed cd with a song by Jens Lekman, a Swedish singer. It was/is my favorite song on the cd and I really do like his music. We are also fans of a German cyclist (did I mention we are super nerds?) named Jens Voigt. So this name is kind of meaningful for us as couple.

Jens #1

Jens #2

Despite being fans of people named Jens, it's way too risky for a boy. I can just imagine the name-calling. And it would never be pronounced correctly. But if we lived in Europe, definitely.

3) Girl Name: Zara

This came from texts I was exchanging with my sister over the name "Kate" and how the baby would be named after a member of the Brit royal family. It started out as a joke, but then I was all, "Wait. I really like the name Zara."

She is royal and also Olympic!

It's four letters, and it looks like a combination of Zach's and my names. My qualms with this name are a) there is a chain of stores called Zara and it would be annoying to hear, "Oh Zara, you mean like the store?", b) according to Ronni, "Dawa" won't be able to pronounce her name correctly until she's 7, and c) Zach doesn't like it. He doesn't know it's also the name of Prince William's cousin, so shhh. I might be able to sneak this one in.

Could I???

4) Boy Name: Hank

According to Z, this is a true Texas name; it reminds me of King of the Hill, which might be Zach's whole thing. It's the name for a man who wears cowboy boots and drinks Lone Star. Not so much for a little boy who will be good at math. I am down with the name "Henry," but we have friends who just named one of their babies Henry, and I don't want to steal his thunder.

I also think of propane when I think of the name Hank, so...no.

5) Girl Name: Beatrice

I LOVE this old-fashioned, classic name. "Bea" is the cutest nickname. How easy would Halloween costumes be for at least 5 years? And a bumble bee themed bedroom? Honey jars as birthday party favors?! I also think of Aunt Bea from the Ramona Quimby books (but also Beezus, which makes me think of Yeezus...Kanye. Shouldn't have gone there).

More like, Aunt Bea forever!

Beatrice is a family name on Zach's side; we've had conflicting-ish opinions on naming baby after family members.  Not because we don't love them, but because people might get offended. Also, I'm kind of weird about the first and last initials being the same, unless the sounds are different, i.e., George Glooney. Should probably get over that and let my love for Bea win. Of all the names on this list, Beatrice has the highest odds of success. Definitely do not count out Bea.

6) Boy Name: Simon

We are total fan-nerds of Simon Pegg.

Yes!

But Simon Barker? It makes me think of the guy who plays the Mentalist. I don't like him.

No.

7) Girl Name: Isabel/Isobel

What is it about this name? I'm not ready to let it go, but I also can't commit to it. Maybe because it's really popular. There are actually several names on the top 10 lists I like, but....

Bjork has a song I like called Isobel, but when I looked up the meaning of the song, I wasn't sure I liked it. Also, would we call her Izzy? Bel?

Do I like the name Isobel enough? I shouldn't have googled the song then.

8) Boy Name: Jack

I think Jack is maybe the coolest name ever. Too bad "Hi, I'm Zach and this is my son Jack," makes both of us cringe.

Who's seen Chinatown? Jack Nicholson was crazy good-looking back in the day!

What I thought it would be like vs. What it's actually been like

I had a suspicion this long-neglected blog would finally see some sweet sweet action once a little baby was in the picture. Now, the time has come to write about this pregnancy journey. Not that life hasn't been noteworthy or interesting in the least, but this is a whole new adventure for Zach and me and with it comes the desire to record this experience.  

I used to hate when people would say, "I don't remember my life before _____," as if one's existence is meaningless without X person, experience, thing, etc. Then again, this was before meeting my husband. Only then did the phrase make sense to me, like everything in life so far had led to X person/experience/thing. It isn't meant to make people who didn't have X feel bad about their lives. It's a way of expressing gratitude about the way life unfolds. Is this a topic for a therapist? Basically, I feel overwhelmed and blessed to be carrying a little person who is half me and half Zach. I really want to see what this little chicken nugget is like.  

Anyway, I had some preconceived (pun intended!) notions of the pregnancy experience way before we even knew. Behold: 

1) Starting a family would be on my timeline. 

Did you plan it? has been one of the first questions people ask when I tell them we're having a baby. Ummm, no. When the first word out of your mouth at seeing a positive pregnancy test is "motherf*****," it's highly unlikely anything was planned. 

In early January, Zach and I talked about breaking out of our comfort zones in 2014. For us, this meant home ownership, developing our careers, traveling, and trying to start a family. We expected the process (all of it) to take a while and didn't want to add pressure in case things didn't work out the way we hoped. In my mind, we'd find a beautiful, move-in-ready house at a non-traumatic price point. Zach's sister would help us decorate it. We'd feel secure and content in our jobs. We would travel somewhere new and exciting. After our lives were 100% perfect, we'd be pregnant and effortlessly decorate one of the spare rooms in our new, totally uncluttered house into a pinterest-worthy nursery. Pretty funny stuff. 

2) I would just know, with a mother's intuition, when I was pregnant. 

Who goes a full 8 weeks without realizing she's pregnant? This girl! 

The first few months of 2014 were full of colds, not sleeping well, stress, and traveling (which in turn lead to more bad sleep). In the past, this combination has messed with my cycle. I totally wasn't worried and expected my body chemistry to correct itself. Also, in the weeks leading up to The Test I experienced what I thought were PMS symptoms (bloating, sore boobs, all the fun stuff). See, I'm totally not pregnant! I'm PMS-ing! It's coming! 

3) I would be overjoyed. 

Well, I'm overjoyed now. Roughly 3 weeks were spent panicking, praying every 3 minutes, googling pregnancy scenarios and scaring myself even further, clutching a rosary while sleeping, and hysterically phoning friends who'd recently had babies or have children. My mental state has gotten better, except for occasional anxiety attacks that something is wrong with the baby, something bad is going to happen because everything is good right now, etc. Somewhere I'm finding a balance between being totally serene and totally paranoid. Maybe? 

4) I have self control and will not turn into an "eating for two" garbage disposal/ I will develop an aversion to a food I love and it will be traumatic. 

Other than the first few blissfully unaware weeks of pregnancy when I experienced occasional dizziness, some nausea but no vomiting, and FATIGUE, I've evaded the nastier pregnancy symptoms. I kept waiting for something to appear, but it didn't.  Instead of being food averse, I am food IN LOVE. Everything is delicious. In fact, now when I'm in the process of eating a meal, I'm planning/fantasizing about what I'm going to eat next. Which leads to... 

5) I will love and respect my changing body/ I will also run until I'm 36 weeks pregnant. 

Well. I have some Olympic-sized delusions of grandeur. For several weeks I was pretty good about this, but then 1) my body started to feel like I ate an entire fruit tray 10 minutes before running 2) allergies started flaring like crazy, and 3) I have to pee every 2 minutes. But I'm enjoying being active and trying to take advantage of my mobility while it's still there. 

It has been...interesting watching my body change. Honestly I don't look too different yet, but I feel different. Mostly. In. My. Thighs. Not a fan of pregnancy thighs. Otherwise, I love and respect my changing body. 

6) It will be harder to pick a boy's name than a girl's name. Girls' names are easy. 

Even though we don't know the gender yet, we already have names picked (I think). One morning, I just looked at Zach and said, "Do you have any names you like?"  

We agreed pretty easily on a boy name. And I love our boy name! For the girl name we (I?) keep waffling. Anyway I think we have one but I'm not 100% sure.  Why did I think the girl name would be easier? This is a whole other diary entry.